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couple's friendly twitter war shows solo sex is better than fifa
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/a-couples-hilarious-exchange-went-viral-on-twitter_us_560acb13e4b0dd850309586e
1
woman thankful she has type of alien looking face that makes her hot
https://local.theonion.com/woman-thankful-she-has-type-of-alien-looking-face-that-1835485592
0
the kansas city royals love 'trap queen' more than you
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kansas-city-royals-fetty-wap_us_55cb55b3e4b0923c12bebfb3
0
21 things every pug lover desperately needs in their home
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/things-every-pug-lover-needs-home_us_56293122e4b0443bb5632d78
0
what's in a name?
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/whats-in-a-name_13_b_5808602.html
1
teacher's lounge the site of 5 separate emotional breakdowns today
https://local.theonion.com/teacher-s-lounge-the-site-of-5-separate-emotional-break-1819578530
1
man wishes women in crowded bar would let him read jane austen novel in peace
https://local.theonion.com/man-wishes-women-in-crowded-bar-would-let-him-read-jane-1822201409
1
report: one in five americans currently holding for the next available representative
https://www.theonion.com/report-one-in-five-americans-currently-holding-for-the-1819565091
0
puerto rico loses it as monica puig wins island's first-ever olympic gold
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/monica-puig-puerto-rico-picapower_us_57b01d95e4b007c36e4f09d2
0
8 life lessons you can learn from bruce springsteen
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bruce-springsteen-life-lessons_n_5702857.html
1
city adds some big concrete stairs
https://www.theonion.com/city-adds-some-big-concrete-stairs-1819578333
1
'time' magazine subscribers brace for inevitable issue with close-up of ted cruz's face
https://politics.theonion.com/time-magazine-subscribers-brace-for-inevitable-issue-1819577615
0
reports: pixar executive takes leave of absence after sexual harassment complaints
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/pixar-executive-takes-leave-of-absence-following-sexual-harassment-complaints_us_5a148b66e4b03dec8248bf7a
0
missing just 2 hours of sleep quadruples your risk of a car accident
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/driving-on-5-hours-of-sleep-is-just-as-dangerous-as-driving-drunk_us_58222699e4b0aac62487867e
1
study: no two people have listened to same band since 2003
https://entertainment.theonion.com/study-no-two-people-have-listened-to-same-band-since-2-1832012299
0
5 common medicare mistakes and how to avoid them
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/medicare_b_5991596.html
1
man does incredibly well at slot machine demo embedded in ad
https://local.theonion.com/man-does-incredibly-well-at-slot-machine-demo-embedded-1829938585
0
the time i went canoeing with a republican congressman
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-time-i-went-canoeing-with-a-republican-congressman_us_59b2d812e4b0d0c16bb52c55
1
man getting screwed by company's $180,000 health deductible
https://local.theonion.com/man-getting-screwed-by-company-s-180-000-health-deduct-1819576043
1
no one in group admits girls' night out a colossal failure
https://local.theonion.com/no-one-in-group-admits-girls-night-out-a-colossal-failu-1819569915
0
we need a president who will continue obama's climate legacy -- not destroy it
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/obama-climate-legacy-election_us_57fc7dace4b0e655eab74e25
0
felipe the bastard king
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/felipe-the-bastard-king_b_6379104.html
1
employee's loyalty garners ceo's contempt
https://www.theonion.com/employees-loyalty-garners-ceos-contempt-1819567500
0
iraq's prime minister unveils plan to trim criticized government
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/iraq-government-vice-president_us_55c7bface4b0f1cbf1e55bfb
0
happy valentine's day, weirdo!
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/weird-valentines-day-gift_n_6557916.html
1
man from last week smacked into present day
https://www.theonion.com/man-from-last-week-smacked-into-present-day-1819564116
1
one-year-old still waiting for father's first words
https://local.theonion.com/one-year-old-still-waiting-for-father-s-first-words-1819577787
1
widow still can't bring herself to get rid of husband's corpse
https://local.theonion.com/widow-still-can-t-bring-herself-to-get-rid-of-husband-s-1830466701
0
kids with allergies are more likely to have anxiety and depression
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kids-with-allergies-are-more-likely-to-have-anxiety-and-depression_us_5684039be4b0b958f65aec88
1
budget cuts force british government to shut down mysterious seaside village
https://www.theonion.com/budget-cuts-force-british-government-to-shut-down-myste-1819571630
0
crazy cheap deal: fly to 10 countries in 30 days for just $160
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/crazy-cheap-deal-fly-to-1_b_6847028.html
0
distributor will not release new louis c.k. film after sexual misconduct report
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/distributor-will-not-release-new-louis-ck-film-after-sexual-misconduct-report_us_5a05bf16e4b05673aa58ecad
0
lobbying spending hits historic lows
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/lobbying-spending-hits-historic-lows_us_59ee5ed6e4b031d8582f5783
1
single woman has facebook profile picture with sister
https://local.theonion.com/single-woman-has-facebook-profile-picture-with-sister-1819591246
1
taliban agrees to peace deal despite concerns about america's human-rights record
https://www.theonion.com/taliban-agrees-to-peace-deal-despite-concerns-about-ame-1832133149
1
new hyundai owner sort of brags about it to co-workers
https://www.theonion.com/new-hyundai-owner-sort-of-brags-about-it-to-co-workers-1819565747
1
botanists discover trees are all slowly trying to strangle each other
https://www.theonion.com/botanists-discover-trees-are-all-slowly-trying-to-stran-1819590860
1
teacher in cash-strapped ohio school district forced to make do with centuries-old firearms
https://local.theonion.com/teacher-in-cash-strapped-ohio-school-district-forced-to-1823545989
1
most disgusting towel spends final days relegated to role as bath mat
https://local.theonion.com/most-disgusting-towel-spends-final-days-relegated-to-ro-1819592032
1
senior prank somehow leaves high school with increased math funding
https://local.theonion.com/senior-prank-somehow-leaves-high-school-with-increased-1819570764
1
coast guard going to let stranded yacht owner sweat it out little more
https://www.theonion.com/coast-guard-going-to-let-stranded-yacht-owner-sweat-it-1819576601
1
united airlines updates policy on allowing dogfights in passenger cabin
https://www.theonion.com/united-airlines-updates-policy-on-allowing-dogfights-in-1823331042
1
'please, i'll tell you everything,' whimpers rick gates after mueller threatens to send him back to white house
https://politics.theonion.com/please-ill-tell-you-everything-whimpers-rick-gates-1823282569
1
houston residents begin surveying damage of 200 years of unchecked worldwide industrialization
https://www.theonion.com/houston-residents-begin-surveying-damage-of-200-years-o-1819580247
1
archaeologists apologize for murdering last remaining neanderthal in fit of crazed bloodlust
https://www.theonion.com/archaeologists-apologize-for-murdering-last-remaining-n-1830495886
1
area mom convinced 30-year-old daughter would be married by now if she just brushed her hair more
https://local.theonion.com/area-mom-convinced-30-year-old-daughter-would-be-marrie-1819579930
0
this n.j. county has housed all of its homeless veterans
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bergen-county-new-jersey-ended-veteran-homelessness_us_57a9eb3ce4b06adc11f174b6
1
trump boys leave $5 bill, candy bar under propped-up laundry basket in effort to catch op-ed writer
https://politics.theonion.com/trump-boys-leave-5-bill-candy-bar-under-propped-up-la-1828968518
1
government shutdown forces national zoo to turn off panda suicide cam
https://politics.theonion.com/government-shutdown-forces-national-zoo-to-turn-off-pan-1819575664
1
congress raises killing age to 19
https://www.theonion.com/congress-raises-killing-age-to-19-1819564664
0
jimmy kimmel finally answers the question: is trump 'crazy or just dumb?'
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jimmy-kimmel-donald-trump-typos_us_5ab335cfe4b054d118df9729
0
8-bit versions of famous art and pop icons are all kinds of yes
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/adam-lister-pixelated-famous-art_us_568ac64de4b06fa688830d3e
0
states trying to defund planned parenthood may be breaking federal law
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/defund-planned-parenthood_us_55cbc8ade4b0cacb8d32ef1f
1
department of education study finds only 30% of students adequately prepared for spring musical
https://www.theonion.com/department-of-education-study-finds-only-30-of-student-1823772680
1
vatican officials quietly paint over part of sistine chapel where michelangelo depicted adam fingering cherub
https://www.theonion.com/vatican-officials-quietly-paint-over-part-of-sistine-ch-1828686896
0
look: what it's like to race canoes in ny's hudson river
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/liberty-challenge-new-york-outrigger_n_5519606.html
1
rotating knife vortex closed pending safety investigation
https://www.theonion.com/rotating-knife-vortex-closed-pending-safety-investigati-1819565287
0
there is nothing libertarian about conservatives
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/there-is-nothing-libertar_b_6883224.html
0
megan fox is white hot on the red carpet
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/megan-fox-white-dress_n_5647690.html
1
'underground railroad' carries slaves from brooklyn to manhattan
https://www.theonion.com/underground-railroad-carries-slaves-from-brooklyn-to-ma-1819564430
0
see the celebrities who went all out for halloween this year
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/see-the-celebrities-who-went-all-out-for-halloween-this-year_us_59f9bfcbe4b046017fb013a5
1
sweatshirt string emerges triumphant after harrowing journey through hood
https://local.theonion.com/sweatshirt-string-emerges-triumphant-after-harrowing-jo-1819592780
0
larry flynt wins right to pursue missouri execution records
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/larry-flynt-wins-right-to_n_7018238.html
1
mom tucks handwritten guide on how to use netflix into kitchen drawer
https://local.theonion.com/mom-tucks-handwritten-guide-on-how-to-use-netflix-into-1819592874
1
microwave-resistant potato alarms scientists
https://www.theonion.com/microwave-resistant-potato-alarms-scientists-1819568018
1
china discontinues state surveillance program after finally finding guy who drove into xi jinping's mailbox
https://www.theonion.com/china-discontinues-state-surveillance-program-after-fin-1834170134
1
couple's fucked-up presex ritual involves tucking both kids into bed
https://local.theonion.com/couple-s-fucked-up-presex-ritual-involves-tucking-both-1819580337
0
monday matters: adorable kitten and dog grow up together, the white house celebrates marriage equality and a psa for forgiveness
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kitten-golden-retriever-friendship-celebrate-marriage-equality_n_7027306.html
1
9/11 memorial curators decide not to display swastika formed by twisted girders found at ground zero
https://www.theonion.com/9-11-memorial-curators-decide-not-to-display-swastika-f-1819572958
0
hate trump? just wait until 2020.
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/american-electoral/#day-2
0
study finds older dads may have 'geekier' sons
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/older-dads-geekier-sons-study_us_59492bc0e4b0cddbb0098c69
1
president's lawyers move to discredit michael cohen by pointing out history of committing crimes for trump
https://politics.theonion.com/president-s-lawyers-move-to-discredit-michael-cohen-by-1826842082
1
man struggling to pierce orange peel with fingernail under impression he could kill if he had to
https://local.theonion.com/man-struggling-to-pierce-orange-peel-with-fingernail-un-1819579648
1
owner admits fantasy team in rebuilding year
https://www.theonion.com/owner-admits-fantasy-team-in-rebuilding-year-1819575629
0
the dangers behind teen texting and driving
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/what-does-it-take-for-teen-texting-and-driving_b_5596555.html
0
poor people's campaign is the angry response to inequality america needs
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/opinion-gerard-poor-peoples-campaign_us_5b086698e4b0fdb2aa538846
1
30-million-year-old species worried it doesn't have another evolution in it
https://www.theonion.com/30-million-year-old-species-worried-it-doesn-t-have-ano-1819579640
1
dominos unveils napkin-stuffed pizza crust
https://www.theonion.com/dominos-unveils-napkin-stuffed-pizza-crust-1825592494
1
terry jones - could have at least manned up and burned one koran
https://www.theonion.com/terry-jones-could-have-at-least-manned-up-and-burned-1819571981
0
david bowie's son welcomes baby boy exactly six months after singer's death
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/david-bowies-son-welcomes-baby-boy-exactly-six-months-after-singers-death_us_579cca11e4b0e2e15eb61ba4
0
friday talking points -- mcconnell for sale!
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/friday-talking-points_b_6045298.html
1
new kfc employee takes 'fry-q' test in employee manual
https://local.theonion.com/new-kfc-employee-takes-fry-q-test-in-employee-manual-1819565883
1
mom still raving about butternut squash ravioli she tried 13 years ago
https://local.theonion.com/mom-still-raving-about-butternut-squash-ravioli-she-tri-1829690689
1
alternative training school for dogs de-emphasizes obedience
https://www.theonion.com/alternative-training-school-for-dogs-de-emphasizes-obed-1819567849
1
wedding vows explicitly mention price of ceremony
https://www.theonion.com/wedding-vows-explicitly-mention-price-of-ceremony-1819591818
0
behold the majesty of the turkey
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/behold-turkey-majesty_us_5655fecfe4b072e9d1c17ed6
0
1 dead, 3 injured in shooting at t.i. concert in nyc
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/nyc-concert-shooting_us_57468bbbe4b03ede4413e137
0
judge compares trans student's case to america's greatest civil rights battles
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/judge-compares-trans-students-case-to-americas-greatest-civil-rights-battles_us_58e81cd8e4b058f0a02f6657
0
jon snow has been battling white walkers while wearing an ikea rug
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jon-snow-game-of-thrones-cape-ikea_us_598955a2e4b0449ed504fb54
1
meek coworker taken down a notch
https://entertainment.theonion.com/meek-coworker-taken-down-a-notch-1819567747
1
cop vows to hunt down punk who successfully pressed brutality charges against his partner
https://www.theonion.com/cop-vows-to-hunt-down-punk-who-successfully-pressed-bru-1819570012
0
mike huckabee resigns from country music board after criticism of his anti-lgbtq views
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mike-huckabee-country-music-association_us_5a9a03ebe4b0a0ba4ad372d1
0
mosul offensive going faster than planned, iraqi pm says
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mosul-offensive-going-faster-than-planned-iraqi-pm-says_us_5808b037e4b0dd54ce384967
1
robbie krieger goes 51 minutes without mentioning jim morrison
https://entertainment.theonion.com/robbie-krieger-goes-51-minutes-without-mentioning-jim-m-1819566091
0
another reason why cutting pollution is essential to future generations
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ozone-climate-change-food_n_5621479.html
1
report: more children being raised with religion of pushier parent
https://www.theonion.com/report-more-children-being-raised-with-religion-of-pus-1819576953
0
meg gavin's gps guide for finding perspective
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/meg-gavin-gps-guide_us_56dee731e4b0000de405c5fa
1
tyson holds contest to let fans submit new ideas for torturing chicken to death
https://www.theonion.com/tyson-holds-contest-to-let-fans-submit-new-ideas-for-to-1834983570
0
ben affleck happily reviewing 'batman v superman' means sad affleck is officially dead
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ben-affleck-happily-reviewing-batman-v-superman-means-sad-affleck-is-officially-dead_us_57f510a3e4b015995f2c4c79
1
neighbor arriving home at same time offers brief, beguiling glimpse inside apartment
https://local.theonion.com/neighbor-arriving-home-at-same-time-offers-brief-begui-1819580042